Observations At The Gym

Never gets old.

The huge shirtless guy with cystic back acne and pink angel wings tattooed on his back. He is constantly told by staff to put his shirt back on, but then quickly removes it again to display “Winged Bacne.”

The emaciated girl with a tit job and ass implants that is so done up with foundation and mascara that she makes absolutely sure not to sweat at all.

The guy at the squat rack who grunts and screams like he’s getting ass raped or doing a deep knee bend on a 19 inch dildo.

The wanna’ be gangster dude who is buried in a hoodie and oversized sweats, occasionally peering out of his hoodie and mad doggin’ every one. Then goes back into his little hoodie cave for self involved enrichment.

The Lilly white granola eatin’ hippie girl with stinky dreadlocks, hairy armpits and a yoga mat, living in her little world of spiritual make-believe.

The ‘roided out guy that tries to intimidate everyone like we’re all on the yard, but then gets seriously put in check when he tries that stupid shit on me. TRUE STORY!

The hipster fellow who walks the treadmill in what looks like ‘Newsie” or “Steam Punk” turn of the century fashions.

The slack jaw, gamer / hunch back postured, body like a tube of toothpaste guy, who can barely bench press what looks like a 1/3rd of his own bodyweight.

The ‘roid red rosacea little queeny man who obsessively compulsively cleans up all the loose weights and dumb bells, while passively aggressively saying, “Ok. Are you done with that?”

The chubby gay Perez Hilton guy with the skin-tight deep v t-shirt and Dolphin style shorts, saying “GIRL” to his like-minded and similarly fashioned friends.

The rude guy/girl who sits on a machine texting or talking or doing who the fuck knows what on their cell phone while people (spineless people who don’t have the balls to say anything to these inconsiderate machine suckers) stand by sighing. By the way – I ask immediately ask if I can work  in. I ain’t there to watch you kibitzing on your (smart) Phone while I stand there with my dick in my hand.

The dude who uses community locker blow dryer on his nuts, for what seems like hours, in the locker room. The other guy that washes his clothes in the sink, then uses blow dryer on them. Then blow dryer  burns out, then never works again.

The trainer who has his clients doing the most awkward and bizarre exercises on equipment that is clearly used for a completely different purpose.

The high as fuck towel dude at the entrance of work out area that has extreme difficulty multi-tasking, i.e. validating parking tickets and checking memberships and passing out towels. This guy constantly being told by staff or gym members “Um, dude. Towel.”

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