I spent most of my life hustling or making ill-gotten funds through rippin’ and running, scamming and stealing and wheeling and dealing drugs. When I sobered up and got clean off of cornucopia of opiates, copious amounts of crack and vicious amounts of vodka I still tried to do scandalous shit.
But my consciousness just wouldn’t allow it anymore. I felt every lie. I felt it every time I stole, and every little stupid manipulation for a little more money. I was locked into that behavior, and always so filled with guilt and shame. All the shitty little acts that I was committing in a sober state. I was hard-wired for the criminal lifestyle.
I’m not gonna’ blame my father, my mother, my stepfathers (2) or any of my stepmothers (4). But the fact of the matter is I grew up watching people steal, deal drugs, get over on their taxes, profit from bullshit insurance claims, and just the general felonious quick money scams and ideas. (Shameless plug time)
This will all be covered in my book which is coming out on Punk Hostage Press. The real scary thing is I saw that my dishonesty (stealing, lying, and cheating) was completely connected to my next drink or drug. So I’ve had to learn to live a life of honesty and pursue my creative dreams, which were drowned out for so many years by drugs alcohol and a completely low self-opinion. I’ve had to take jobs and make humiliatingly low pay. But I have a solid clear conscience.